Dance of the Deadly Dinosaurs Read online

  It was Mug. The zombie’s arm must have come off during one of the dances, because someone had stuck it on again with duct tape. Glugg stood next to her brother, gazing down at Boo. Her pink bow had come undone, and her pink fungus dripped with sweat.

  ‘Oh, sure,’ said Boo. And I am, he told himself. He was having a totally awesome time! Hadn’t he been dancing with the most Heroic-looking princess in the universes?

  ‘Have you seen Yesterday?’ Boo added casually.

  Mug peered over the heads of the other dancers. ‘Her not here yet.’

  ‘Oh,’ said Boo. A horrible thought occurred to him. Maybe Yesterday had only pretended she had another date so he’d feel okay about taking Princess Princess to the dance. Perhaps Yesterday was sitting in that hut on her barren planet, lonely and hungry while they all danced here…

  ‘Never mind,’ boomed Glugg cheerfully. ‘You dance with me next!’

  Boo thought quickly. ‘Er, I’d really love to. But I promised Princess Princess I’d bring her a drink.’

  Glugg shook her head, sending shreds of pink fungus flying. ‘Her dancing with someone else.’

  Boo glanced across the hall just as Princess Princess jazzed into sight with a tall Level 3. A human Level 3, thought Boo jealously, with two long human legs.

  Princess Princess’s gold dress and crown glittered. She had diamonds scattered through her hair too.

  Boo looked back to see Glugg looking at him expectantly. ‘Er, um,’ he began.

  ‘Wappeee!’ yelled Glugg. ‘Me dance with Hero!’ Boo felt fungussy arms around the top of his head. ‘Hfff,’ he spluttered, his face pressed into her pink tummy. ‘Can’t breathe!’

  Glugg lowered her arms. ‘You too short.’

  ‘Oh, well, never mind,’ said Boo hurriedly. ‘I’m sure someone else will dance with you…’ He felt himself lifted high into the air.

  ‘Now we dance proper!’ boomed Glugg, her arms firmly about his waist and her pink fungus face close to his. ‘You no worry,’ she added. ‘You no heavy at all.’

  ‘Oh, great,’ muttered Boo. He felt his face flush almost as pink as Glugg’s fungus as the giant zombie galloped him about the room. Perhaps Princess Princess won’t notice, he thought hopefully. Perhaps no one will notice…

  ‘Bother,’ boomed Glugg, as they made a second circuit of the room.

  ‘What is it?’ asked Boo, his voice still muffled in her fungus.

  ‘Me dropped ear. No, here is! You hold it for me? Me pin on after dance.’

  Boo took the fuzzy pink ear in his hand. It felt surprisingly warm, but sort of damp. Please let this dance end! he thought, as Glugg stomped happily around the room again. Let the music stop right now!

  The music stopped.

  Boo blinked. Surely the song hadn’t finished? He craned his head back from the wall of fungus and pink sequins in front of him and looked around. The dancers were standing as still as the band, staring at something across the room. Even Graunt Doom’s hat was still.

  ‘Wha—what is it?’ he spluttered, pulling bits of pink fungus out of his mouth.

  ‘It Yesterday.’ Glugg’s shout was soft with shock.

  Boo gazed across the dance floor.

  Yesterday stood at the door of the library. She wore the green silk dress. Her feet were still bare. But yellow bracelets glittered from her wrists and about her neck.

  Crystals, thought Boo, staring at her in wonder. She’s gathered yellow crystals from the volcano.

  But no one else was staring at Yesterday’s crystals, or her dress. Not tonight. Because next to Yesterday stood the strangest creature Boo had ever seen.

  It was as tall as Yesterday, though its head was tiny. It stood on two legs, but they were thick and

  muscled, and strangely hinged at the knee, more like a bird’s than a human’s. Its arms were small, the hands minute. Spikes ran along its tail and up its back. Its skin was grey and leathery.

  ‘Who is it?’ whispered Princess Princess. ‘What is it?’ Boo hadn’t noticed her behind Glugg’s fuzz. She moved closer to him as Glugg let him slither to the ground.

  ‘It’s a dinosaur,’ he said slowly.

  ‘A dinosaur!’ Princess Princess gave a gurgle of laughter. ‘Yesterday’s brought a dinosaur to the dance!’

  All at once the musicians seemed to remember how to play. Someone strummed a guitar, then the drums began to beat.

  Princess Princess straightened her crown. ‘She’s going to make such a fool of herself…’ Her voice died away.

  Yesterday stepped proudly into the library, her fingers resting lightly on the dinosaur’s small hand. The dinosaur walked beside her, its body swaying from side to side with each footstep.

  The girl and the dinosaur began to dance.

  It was impossible that those big legs could suddenly become so light, up on its tiptoes, claws clacking against the stone floor of the library. Yesterday’s thin arms rested on its leathery ones.

  ‘Oh,’ cried Glugg beside him. ‘That bootiful!’

  Boo nodded without speaking.

  The others stood back too, as girl and dinosaur whirled around the library. They swooped and twirled and glided, round and round and round, the green silk dress whirling against the leathery dinosaur hide. Yesterday’s hair spun too, catching the light from the baskets of glowing fire.

  It’s almost as though they have wings, thought Boo dazedly, as they soared across the room.

  Even Princess Princess was silent as she watched the dancers’ magic.

  How many nights has Yesterday spent teaching a dinosaur to dance, there on the bare rock around her hut? wondered Boo suddenly. How lonely do you have to be to have a dinosaur for a companion?

  For despite the creature’s grace Boo could tell that this was just a dinosaur—an animal, a pet perhaps, but not a person, whatever its shape.

  ‘Me wish me could dance with dinosaur,’ roared Glugg, quietly for her. ‘Yesterday look lovely.’

  Princess Princess snorted. ‘Huh. She isn’t even wearing shoes! How can you be lovely without shoes?’ She pointed a toe out from under her gold dress. Princess Princess’s toenails were painted gold too, inside her glass slippers. Then Boo’s gaze was torn back to Yesterday and her dinosaur, still swirling about the room.

  ‘I think she looks totally dumb—’ began Princess Princess.

  ‘You jealous,’ said Glugg with surprising insight.

  ‘Dinosaur! Dinosaur coming!’ Graunt Doom’s voice thundered across the room.

  ‘Dumb zombie,’ muttered Princess Princess. ‘Some Finder she is. We already know there’s a dinos—Oooooh. Over there!’ Her voice cracked.

  Boo broke out of his daze. Princess Princess pointed to the other side of the room.

  Another dinosaur stood by the door.

  It looked just like the one dancing with Yesterday, except for one thing…This was no near-human-size dinosaur, graceful enough to dance. This creature was so massive that its head filled the doorway. And when it opened its mouth its teeth were sharp and bright.

  The secret of talking to an animal is to find out if the two of you have something in common. `What did you have for breakfast?’ is a good place to start. Unless they plan to eat you for breakfast, of course. That can make it a short conversation.

  FROM YESTERDAY’S STORY, BY SUNN SETT

  3

  A Dancing Disaster

  Someone screamed. Boo was never sure who. Surely no student at the School for Heroes would ever scream, or any of the teachers either.

  The beast lifted up its head and roared.

  It was hard to say what happened after that. For all its size the monster moved quickly, its head lowered as it tramped through the crowded room.

  Crunch, crunch, crunch…

  Heroes mightn’t scream, but they did groan when giant dino-feet crushed down on them.

  ‘I’ll get the blighter!’ Gloria the Gorgeous leapt on stage and spun the spotlight onto herself. ‘Get a good look at me, young dinny-saur!
I‘m not just gorgeous, I‘m drop dead gorgeous!‘

  The monster glanced up. It kept on tromping.

  ‘Bother. Better put on more lipstick,’ muttered Gloria.

  ‘That drop dead gorgeous trick hasn‘t worked for sixty years!’ cackled Dahlia the Dazzler. She aimed her knitting needles at the dinosaur. ‘Take that!‘

  The needles flicked across the room, then bounced off the dinosaur‘s hide.

  Zoom! A flash of silver zapped through the crowd of dancers. Dr Hogg appeared on the dinosaur‘s shoulder, frantically lassooing the monster with his scarf.

  The dinosaur flicked its tiny hand. Dr Hogg tumbled onto the floor. Somehow Ms Snott and Ms Kerfuffle had been tossed through the air as well. Boo hadn‘t even seen them attack—but the monster was faster than they were.

  He had to act! He needed paws and fangs!

  Boo dragged off his shirt, tearing the buttonholes, then ripped away his pants. Vaguely he was aware of Princess Princess‘s gasp (he suspected that princes in her father’s kingdom never tore off their clothes in the middle of a dance, even when faced with a dinosaur). But there was no use Changing into a wolf tied up in velvet trousers and a white silk shirt.

  PLUNG!

  The room grew taller and more smelly.

  That was better! He lifted his nose just as something whirled above him. Something white and wriggling…

  Mug’s zombie spaghetti! Zombie spaghetti had even held the school together when the Greedle’s Zurms had tunnelled through it…

  The dinosaur opened its jaws again. Slurp!

  The zombie spaghetti vanished. Graunt Doom’s hat swirled off her head, then disappeared in the monster’s jaws with a startled squeak.

  The room was chaos. Students tried to attack or run, hitting each other in the process. The dinosaur’s head lurched down among the dancers, its great mouth agape. Boo could smell its breath, a stink of rotten meat and garbage. Vaguely, he was aware of Ms Snott sitting astride the monstrous head, her daggers snapping on its leathery hide.

  The dinosaur lifted its head, as though it had finally seen what it wanted. It lurched across the room again. Crunch, crunch, crunch.

  Where was Yesterday? Surely she could stop it! Boo was too short in wolf form to see her across the crowd. There were too many smells—he could smell where she’d been, but there was no time to work out where she was now.

  He had to act. What had the Werewolf General said? Remember you’re a werewolf.

  Biff! bamm!ing, daggers and zoom!ing hadn’t worked. It was time to see what wolf fangs could do.

  Boo crouched low, a growl deep in his throat, and then he leapt, jaws open, towards the creature’s throat.

  ‘No!’ Something grabbed his tail. Boo yelped as someone pulled him down.

  ‘Yesterday!’ He peered up at her. Her green silk dress was torn, and the crystals were crushed into yellow powder on her wrists and neck. ‘Let go! I have to grab it!’

  ‘No! There’s no need!’

  ‘But it’s attacking—’ Boo stopped. Because the dinosaur had stopped too.

  It towered above the buffet, its tiny hands busy. Chocolate crackles, broccoli quiche, cheese and spinach triangles, tentacle roll—the tiny reptilian hands grabbed them all and stuffed them into its mouth.

  ‘It’s only hungry.’ Tears poured down Yesterday’s cheeks. ‘It’s all my fault. The other dinosaurs wanted to come to the dance with me and Dancer—not to dance, but to eat. I’d told them that you get all sorts of good things to eat at a party. The Guardians keep us so hungry. Massive must have sneaked after me. Mug, lift me up!’

  ‘Me do it.’ It was Glug. Pink, mouldy, sequinned arms lifted Yesterday high above the crowd. ‘Fzzlpt! Frxxxzpt!’ called Yesterday.

  The monster ignored her, its mouth full of toe-nail muffins. The smaller dinosaur at Yesterday’s side made a keening sound. But it too was lost in the noise of the yelling, groaning crowd.

  The monster burped. Graunt Doom’s hat gave a small shriek as it hurtled back across the room, followed by a gust of muffin crumbs.

  Yesterday shook her head helplessly. ‘I need to attract its attention!’

  Boo tried to think. He could worm his way through the crowd in wolf form but Yesterday could never follow him. He shut his eyes again.

  PLUNG!

  He was human again. And naked. He leapt up, grabbed Graunt Doom’s hat and held it over his embarrassing bits, then began to shoulder his way through the crowd, hauling Yesterday behind him. He might be just a werewolf puppy, but in human shape he was one of the biggest students at the school.

  ‘Here, look out—’

  ‘What do you think—’

  ‘Ow!’

  Boo ignored them. They were nearly at the buffet now.

  ‘Frxxxzpt!’ cried Yesterday again.

  The monster turned, its mouth stuffed with jellyfish dip and black olive pizza. It seemed to notice Yesterday for the first time. It sort of shrank, like a two-year-old caught pinching chocolates from Grandma’s box. ‘Sgglk?’ Its squeak was so high it almost hurt to hear it.

  Yesterday wagged her finger at it. ‘Gsshp. Nvgttpsspt!’

  ‘Sgglp.’ The monster drooped. It grabbed a final clawful of banana cake, then began to lurch sadly back across the room.

  The crowd scrambled to let it through, silent now as they watched the giant lumber out the door, dropping crumbs as it went. Its footsteps vanished towards the wormhole.

  ‘I’m sorry.’ Yesterday faced everyone. ‘It’s all my fault…I didn’t mean to…’ She turned and looked at the ruined library for a second. The streamers hung in tatters. The students looked tatty too. Even Gloria’s wig was crooked. Mr Hogg had lost his scarf, and for the first time Boo saw Dr Mussells without a banana.

  ‘I—I—’ Yesterday looked at the faces around her, then ran, dragging the other dinosaur after her out of the room.

  ‘Yesterday!’ Boo began to run after her but something grabbed his ankle. Boo looked down. It was Princess Princess’s hand. She peered out from under the buffet table.

  ‘Has…has it gone?’

  ‘Yes,’ said Boo. Suddenly he felt tired. Tired and

  helpless and sad…and even tireder because it had all gone so wrong—Yesterday’s happiness and the school dance. And there’s no way, no way at all, he thought, that I can make it better.

  Princess Princess crawled out from under the table. ‘I wasn’t hiding,’ she said quickly. ‘I realised straightaway that the monster was heading for the buffet. So I hid so I could Biff! Bam! it from underneath. But then I didn’t have to.’ Princess Princess looked around the room. ‘Well,’ she said. ‘Yesterday has made a mess of things, hasn’t she?’

  ‘Yes,’ said Boo quietly. ‘It’s a mess. Ow!’ he added, looking down.

  Graunt Doom’s hat had bitten him.

  HOW TO COOK ZOMBIE SPAGHETTI

  Carefully - or zombie spaghetti cook you.

  FROM THE ZOMBIE ISLAND CROOKBOOK

  4

  The Volcano Erupts

  His paw ached. The dinosaur must have trodden on it. He hadn’t had enough sleep either. But a Hero did what a Hero had to do—which in Boo’s case was get up and go to school.

  He dragged himself out of his basket. He could smell eyeballs frying. Mrs Bigpaws must be cooking breakfast. She was so happy to have a student Hero living at their place that she cooked him his favourite breakfasts every morning. But today he felt like even eyeballs on toast would choke him.

  Would Yesterday be in trouble? The school dance had been ruined, the library wrecked, retired Heroes trampled, student Heroes bruised…

  Was there a rule against bringing a dinosaur to school? Boo tried to remember any punishments. Students who didn’t come up to scratch usually just ended up dead—or lost in the pit traps. And as far as he knew you only got expelled for refusing to do your homework—fighting bogeys.

  This was not going to be a good day, he thought, checking in the mirror to make sure that the School Med
al for Outstanding Heroism was straight on his collar and his tongue was hanging out neatly—because today he also had to ask Dr Mussells’s permission to venture into the Ghastly Otherwhen, with Mug and Yesterday (and Squeak, if the mouse ever returned from wherever he had vanished to) and anyone else Boo could persuade to join him.

  Boo sighed. He lifted his leg, left a few drops on the door post—it was only good manners to do a small widdle so Mrs Bigpaws could sniff it later and realise just how grateful he was for her good breakfasts—then grabbed his school bag in his jaws and began to trot down the stairs to the kitchen.

  Squeak was waiting for him as he sank down into the wormhole.

  ‘Squeak!’ The mouse jumped onto his school bag, then burrowed down into its little red pouch on Boo‘s collar. ‘Woof,’ said Boo, wagging his tail. He was surprised how glad he was to see the tiny creature. Where had he been since the attack of the Greedle? Yesterday would be able to ask him. Boo padded more quickly down the long dark wormhole. Whatever trouble Yesterday was in this morning, he wanted to be by her side.

  The air grew warmer as he approached the school exit. Only Heroes, he thought, would think of building a school and a Heroic retirement home in a volcano. He lifted up a paw thoughtfully. The rock seemed hotter today. He could smell burning too—an even stronger smell than usual.

  Had someone burnt the tentacle muffins up at Rest in Pieces?

  The red glow at the end of the wormhole grew clearer. ‘Student approaching,’ he yelled to whichever old Heroes guarded the entrance today. He stepped out onto the black rock of the plateau just as something hot and red glooped in front of him.

  The volcano was erupting.

  Glop glop glooooop glup!

  Molten rock rained down on the mountainside that contained the school and retirement home. Up at Rest in Pieces he could hear ancient Heroes yelling.

  ‘Move that wheelchair!’